When your Father comes a Callin'
by Zeff N Company
Summary: Standalone Silliness. “…Leon?” Laguna made a face as he repeated the name. “You’re not a Leon.”


_**Just a bit more silliness – done as a standalone piece. I've been meaning and wanting to do this one for a while…and then the Crystal Skull hit the big screen. I ended up waiting out all the Indiana Jones hype; after all, there is but a brief touch in here, and I didn't need to add any more after.**_

_**Once again, I picked a picture in sakurabatou's gallery. Have a guess which it is.**_

* * *

"We've got a late arrival."

"Hm."

The day was slow, as were the days that inched along – there was minimal heartless anymore in Hollow Bastion, and most of the major repairs had been seen to. What was left would require a bit of a wait, and in that time, everyone had dispersed for a little recreation. In turn, Leon found himself helping out at the newly opened dojo when Yuffie reported the news. With the blunt dismissal, Yuffie was irked, to say the least – she just scaled the whole, friggin' _pagoda_ to get here, and the least he could do was be a little more interested…!

"He said he was lost," she continued, anyway.

"Hm," Leon replied distractedly, helping one of the children to readjust his stance with his bokken.

"He also said he was looking for you."

"Everyone is, these days," he finally answered properly, although he still did not turn. Striking sharply at the bokken, he nodded in approval at the boy's firm hold; that in turn earned him a grateful grin as the boy resumed his routine.

"He called you by the oh-so-forbidden name," she finally sang out, promptly causing every last child in the area to lower their wooden practice swords and look curiously at the man who was their leader. Leon cringed.

"_Fine_; I'm coming."

It was Yuffie's turn to grin gleefully as Leon followed her out meekly, leaving the children to stare after them in confusion.

* * *

"So, this one…"

"Hmm?"

"You said he was looking for me; did he say what he wanted?"

Yuffie thought about it for a second, then shrugged. "He just said he had to find you, and that it was important."

Leon huffed impatiently; who knew what bad omens would be trickling after this one… "…what did he say his name was?"

"Funny name, really…I think it was…Lagoon."

Leon paused and gave her a weird look. "…_Lagoon_…?"

"Yeah, I think. Know anyone with a name like that?"

"No." _Well, there _is_ that guy, but what are the odds that-_

"_SQUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL!_"

Yuffie jumped a foot in the air – and half a foot backwards – as someone suddenly barreled straight into Leon, sending them both to the ground within half a second flat. Leon, on the other hand, was suffering from conflicting emotions – there was relief, upon recognizing who exactly it was on top of him, and there was much irritation, also upon recognizing who exactly it was on top of him. The conflict ended with the victorious and following rule of much irritation.  
"…Laguna," he gritted out. That alone awarded him with his breath being knocked right out of him as the man who was _still_ on top of him proceeded to seize him in a vice-like grip.

"Where've you _been_?! Do you have any idea how worried I was?!"

"Laguna…"

"When you just disappeared from Balamb, everyone was _hysterical_! We've been hunting the _worlds_ for you ever since!"

"Laguna."

"I've been searching every nook, every cranny, every hole, every door, every cave…"

"_Laguna._"

"I think I even digressed and started searching monster bellies in case one of them ate you-"

"_Laguna Loire!_ For Hyne's _sake!_"

"Yes, son?"

"_Get. The hell. Off. Me. Now."_

"O-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh. Sure thing." And with that, the older man hopped off the younger. Leon, finally able to breathe again, announced so with a loud cough. Meanwhile, Laguna fidgeted, then started to look around the town as Leon painstakingly got to his feet.

"So…nice place you got here, Squall. How long have you been here?"

"A year – I spent the other nine in another world," Leon answered simply. "And don't call me Squall."

"What?"

"My name's Leon, now."

"…Leon?" Laguna made a face as he repeated the name. "You're not a Leon."

"I am now."

"No, you're not, and that's because _your mother named you SQUALL!_"

Leon's palm reacquainted itself with his face as he groaned into it. Of every thing that had to change, it had to be Laguna who stayed the same… The same old _moron_.  
It was at that point when the rest of the committee decided to join them. Yuffie, shaking her head in puzzled bewilderment, decided that there was strength in numbers, and repositioned herself beside Aerith.

"I see you found him, Leon."

Laguna turned and gave the flower girl a horrified expression. "You people _too?!_"

Aerith paused uncertainly. "…well, that _is_ his name-"

"He can't be Leon!" Laguna protested, just as quickly turning back to said Leon. "_You can't be Leon!_"

"_Laguna_," Leon warned, a second too late.

"We named the _dog_ Leon!"

There followed a pause so pregnant, it gave life to a litter of twelve. Then Cid choked on the straw he accidentally swallowed, and Yuffie doubled over in an uncontrollable fit of giggling. Aerith and Tifa stood in stupefied amazement, before Tifa involuntarily barked out a laugh.

"I'm sorry, _what?_"

"It's _true!_" Laguna's head bobbed up and down to affirm his statement. Then he paused, and turned back to Leon. "Isn't it, son?"

"…it's true," Leon admitted bitterly, which only caused Yuffie's giggling to intensify.

"…may we ask…?" Aerith managed bravely. Behind her, Cid had doubled over and Yuffie was no longer on her feet.

"I was a Commander, I was busy, he decided I was lonely. Then he shows up one day, and drops this animal on my papers and declares it's my new best friend."

"So that was your dog?"

Leon shrugged as he replied. "It was alright."

"Best darn Chihuahua we ever owned_,_" Laguna boasted with a wide beam, much to Leon's dismay.

"Laguna..."

"Come on, Squall – don't you remember how cute it was…bouncing when it barked?"

"_Laguna_!"

"Sent flying several feet away every time the sea breeze blew through your window?"

"_Stop!_"

"And that one time we brought it on board the Ragnarok, and it fell between the seats, and took us two hours to find it-?"

"_ENOUGH!_"

At this point, Yuffie was rolling the pavement, and Cid was braying his mirth uncontrollably. By now, Tifa had lost any composure she had, and was also laughing quite loudly; Aerith – dear, sweet Aerith – was overcome with shaking of controlled giggles of her own.

"…I need to leave," Leon decided with a tired air, turning and doing just that. "And _don't follow me!_"

"Uh…sure, son," Laguna replied carefully, finally aware that the younger man was in a really foul mood. And finally reprieved, Leon made his escape.

* * *

It was at long last – at least half the day later – and Leon was still hiding away in the Bailey. After that _lovely_ revelation of Laguna's, he didn't think he would be able to walk through the streets again with the dignity he used to have. He had _known_ there would be bad omens trickling along, but that didn't mean he'd enjoy them.

After stewing for a while longer, he realized he was not alone in the area. Turning, he spotted Cloud by the steps, and in his hand was a bottle of bourbon. Perhaps, Leon mused, a drink might help; it was a long day, and he was humiliated and tired – no one could blame him for a little inebriation. As he approached, Cloud spotted him, and wordlessly extended the bottle. Accepting it in his hand, Leon sat down as well, threw his head back, and took a long, deep gulp.

"So," Cloud suddenly said, "you named yourself after a Chihuahua?"

Leon promptly spit his bourbon back out.

* * *

_**Often, I question why I'm still here. Mostly because my putting-food-on-the-table job is more demanding with the sudden interests in media. Also because I'm reaching that age where those teenagers across the block start calling me "old guy" (…then again, the "old" age is getting sooner and sooner with each generation that comes and goes). I guess, in the end, it's my love for writing, and I'm lucky to have a job that lets me do what I love – to write, to create, and to inspire. That's what most scripts do…most (I'm still not sure what I accomplished with the talking animals and that weird, weird…contraption).**_

_**There are those who prefer fiction, and those who prefer fanfiction. I like fanfiction, because the story is already there, the characters are already there, and the general guidelines are already there. It's like being given a ready-made model; all I have to do is add a little more color to brighten it further. If fiction is my job, then fanfiction would be my hobby. I wouldn't have it any other way.**_

* * *

_"So you're helping out here?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Do you still practice your swordsmanship?"_

_"Of course."_

_"And your numbers?"_

_"For Hyne's __sake, Laguna, I'm __**twenty-five**."_

* * *

_**END**_

_EDIT: no, really - The placement of my afterword is on purpose. Really._


End file.
